A date to remember

Having Valentines Day dinner with my grandmother, my father, and his fiancee was memorable, to say the least. Conversation led to my grandfather, who died when I was quite young. Although I later learned facts about his life, that he was a war veteran, for example, the only memory I have of him is sitting on his lap, and noticing that he had freckles on the top of his very bald head. I remember asking him to look and see if I had freckles on my head. He just laughed and parted my hair, and said "nope".

At dinner that night, my grandmother recounted a very different story. She recalled going parking with grandpa, "You know, in the car", she said, "up on the top of the hill, there." My father's family had a farm; the barn burned down before I was born but we used to have one of the largest farms in the whole county. By the time I came along, it was only beef cattle, but I've heard stories of dairy cows and sheep. Growing up, we would pick berries on top of the hill, and have family picnics. There was once talk of building a small cabin, or at least a tent platform, in the area where we had a campfire ring and picnic table. Now I found out that my grandparents had once gone parking in that spot. "We got stuck on that ridge by the apple trees, and had to walk down the hill in the middle of the night and get the tractor to pull the car out. Nobody never said nothing about it, but we knew they knew what we were up to."

"Ewww, grandma. I don't need the details," I said, when it appeared that she was going to continue on the subject. My father's fiancee just laughed at this.

"She doesn't think old birds like us have sex," my grandma said.

"I'm sure you did," I said, "but I don't need to hear about it at the dinner table." My dad excused himself and went to the restroom. I picked at my food, trying to think of another topic. When my dad returned, he said, "there was the funniest thing on the wall in there." He then told two jokes that he'd read off the men's bathroom wall. Didn't I just go over this with grandma?

Grandma did change the subject to something a little better than sex before the evening was over: gambling. We live in Pennsylvania, but less than an hour from a Seneca reservation, where my dad and my grandma go a few times a year to play the slot machines. Although I'd never been there, I often hear radio ads for the casino's bingo games, which are expensive to play but offer $1000 payoffs. It's something I've always wanted to try. So Grandma offered to pay for a sitter to watch the kids overnight so she and I could spend the day at the casino and hotel. My birthday was in March, and she said it would be an early present. We would leave Saturday, around 10 am.

When dinner was over, I went straight to another bar to meet Jaimi & co. Her boyfriend at the time, her sister, and her sister's fiance were all there. So I wasn't the third wheel, but I was still the only one without a date. Part way through the evening, Jaimi, her sister, and I all went to the ladies' room, where we talked about sex. Yes, I can see the irony.

I got home at roughly 11:00 at night to find Jacob still awake with his dad, the two of them watching Indiana Jones. I had asked Michael repeatedly not to let Jacob watch anything above a PG rating. "He doesn't ever make it all the way to the end, and that's the scariest part anyway," was Michael's justification on that particular movie. "Besides, he's seen Star Wars with me, and this isn't any more violent." This was true, but since Michael left, I have been Judge and Jury in this house and what may have been a "parental discussion" before was now a clear-cut decision: MY house, MY kids, and MY rules. Jacob said goodnight to his father, went to bed, and Michael left. Before he left, I told Michael that if he watched them here again, I would pick out acceptable videos beforehand. "Fine," he said testily. "I'll be back next month. Hopefully they'll have fixed my schedule before then."

"Michael," I said, as he put on his coat, "you should go see your grandmother while you're here. She didn't want me to say anything, but she's really sick. I don't think she'll still be here next month."

"Thanks," was all he said, gruffly, as he walked out the door.