tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53496282525191087912011-12-21T19:13:19.998-05:00Diary of a Broken woman has been replaced with Anthem of a Healing Heart. It will no longer be updated three times a week. It will be updated when I've got something to say.Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.comBlogger991100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-34744947897519504192011-12-10T19:56:00.006-05:002011-12-21T19:13:20.011-05:00

"What I like about you / you keep me warm at night / never wanna let you go / you make me feel all right / Whisper in my ear / tell me all the things that I wanna hear /'cause it's true / that's what I like about you" - The RomanticsI tend to watch TV shows in spurts - I watch all my TV online, by the way, so I can watch a whole season in a week or so, gorging myself on whatever I'm in the mood

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-5143534636514114832011-07-22T09:36:00.003-04:002011-07-22T12:29:46.085-04:00

"It's the good advice... that you just didn't take..."Last night I had a 45-minute long conversation with a past version of myself. A woman I know just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. They'd been together about 6 years. They had a kid together, and she had one before she met him. I've known them both, and they've both complained to me about the other one. "He's too lazy," she says. "

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-14048741396187363412011-04-25T05:59:00.000-04:002011-05-20T19:27:38.029-04:00

"I'm not sick but I'm not well..."When my brother Stan was very young, he did a somersault in our living room, right into the protruding spike on the front of a rocking chair. He had a scar on his forehead that showed up in school pictures until he grew his hair into an early nineties "surfer cut" that covered it up. When he was older, he was in a horrific accident that nearly killed him. He

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-50785900995730443942011-04-24T09:58:00.000-04:002011-05-20T19:26:32.680-04:00

"You can't always get what you want..."I was happily married for over five years. Two months before our six-year anniversary, my husband walked out and didn't come back. I began divorce proceedings. I didn't want it, and when he took forever and a day to sign, I thought maybe, just maybe, he wanted to return. But three years and a barrel full of counseling later, I know he's never coming back

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-67631525581819558282011-04-08T15:58:00.009-04:002011-09-01T23:47:27.522-04:00

"I'll be there in the back of your mind from the day we met to you making me cry..." I work in a nursing home. One of my supervisors, an amazing, fiery little woman, declared "Take This Job and Shove It" to be her 'national anthem'. She sang it one day at work when the radio broke in our dining room and another nurse suggested that we sing to entertain our residents. Now, whenever someone is

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-65345429429765526442011-01-17T16:22:00.005-05:002011-01-17T20:08:50.047-05:00

It's a new year, and, like every new year, I pulled down my old calendar and wrote on the new one. Birthdays, anniversaries, lest I forget some aunt or grandmother and inadvertently offend someone. It's not like I ever actually remember to send cards or gifts ahead of time. I just like to feel sufficiently guilty when I notice that I missed someone's birthday. When I reached April, I saw that I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-8432124461397314592010-07-11T19:51:00.004-04:002011-07-22T12:44:07.176-04:00

Jacob has a seizure disorder, commonly called neural epilepsy. There's a whole lot of different kinds of seizures - most people only know about grand mal vs petit mal. However, the majority of Jake's seizures, since his diagnosis in 2009, have been "light focal seizures". The seizure itself is just a split-second of abnormal electrical activity in the brain. The visible effects are a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-25512845767026707662010-02-12T06:34:00.002-05:002011-05-01T17:50:28.141-04:00

When I told a co-worker I was reading the best book I'd ever read, she asked me what it was about. "It's hard to explain," I said. "It's the fourth book in a science fiction series, so I'd have to tell you about all four books to explain what makes them so great."When the series had been recommended to me, it had been from a friend of Michael's, an intellectual but obnoxious friend, so I placed

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-13440215281547348222009-11-28T16:45:00.001-05:002011-08-02T22:47:54.011-04:00

Jane and Tony both have birthdays in November. So does Michael's other kid, the one he had with Jamie last year. I spent the last week planning a birthday party for the two of them, which went off rather well, I might add...Baby Tony (who turned two - maybe I should start calling him "Toddler Tony") received a "doctor's kit" from some friends and a video from a cousin of mine, but mostly clothes.

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-81978559063111161792009-11-22T22:22:00.000-05:002011-08-07T16:34:24.216-04:00

"And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery." -- Mark 10:11,12"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" -- Matthew 19:6The question of what constitues "cheating" is

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-39119521811097546312009-10-15T23:11:00.008-04:002011-05-20T20:13:47.663-04:00

Two weeks ago, Michael and I went to court. It all started last year when we had our two child support meetings. When Michael was ordered to pay $435 a month in child support, he was only working $12 hour weeks. Michael "suddenly" - *gasp* amazing!!! - found a second job, and I began receiving a reasonable amount of child support. About February this year, the child support dropped to nil - I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-21554769403440064952009-10-11T19:33:00.000-04:002011-02-19T23:10:54.413-05:00

In May of 2008, I sued Michael for child support. It was the opposite of fun. The order at the time was for fifty dollars a month, the maximum that they could order given his minimal income. He was also given sixty days to find more gainful employment. He did. Two months later, I took a vacation with my kids. Then Jake started school. I didn't even realize that four months had passed until

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-71237899695896236542009-09-20T19:57:00.001-04:002010-02-11T16:51:50.836-05:00

When I was a few miles outside of town, I called a friend with some teenagers; the teens had helped numerous times when I needed a quick sitter or a hand moving furniture. I had to simultaneously settle my kids and clambor into my attic in search of the fish tank and filter; I'd had a long day and could use a hand. She sent over her youngest teen, to keep an eye on the kids while I got the

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-53216303968135503012009-09-10T20:29:00.002-04:002010-01-23T20:22:53.320-05:00

When Michael first left, one of the cleaning jobs I had to do was to sort through all the junk that had been left in my spare room. Some of it was Jamie's, some was Michael's, and some was mine. When Michael came up in the summer of 2008, I left several boxes of his things at his grandmother's house. This included towers and monitors from four broken computers.Michael was a stereotypical

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-56725618229242491892009-09-04T20:44:00.002-04:002010-01-23T20:16:53.715-05:00

Every year, on our family's drive to Canada, we would pass Canada's Wonderland. It was right along the QEW, the major highway in Ontario, and we could see the roller coasters from the car. We never stopped as a family, although Sue went one year with the Girl Scouts. As a child, although I enjoyed a week of semi-solitude on a remote Canadian island, I longed to stop at this overpriced tourist

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-88990096384117281272009-08-21T19:33:00.001-04:002009-11-22T20:50:36.020-05:00

I was long overdue for a vacation.So much had happened in my life the last few months that would drive a normal person crazy. I'm far from normal, so I was safe thus far, but I didn't want to push my limits. But after last year's family vacation, I didn't know where to go. I knew I didn't want just me and the kids; I wanted to be surrounded by people I loved. I didn't have enough cash to fly

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-91723887625750476582009-08-15T15:54:00.000-04:002009-11-15T16:44:41.369-05:00

I wrote my father a song for his wedding. I finally had the computer software capable of recording my original music, and had burned him a disk over a month before his wedding, but I still needed the packaging. I had to buy blank CD cases, blank CDs, and that funny, glossy paper that CD inserts are printed on. I bought all the stuff, and printed up 10 CDs of their song as gifts for the wedding

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-61573216581740895302009-08-07T16:58:00.002-04:002009-11-08T17:15:39.902-05:00

On the fourth of July, my father was married. His new bride was exceptionally different from my mother, which only made it easier for me. If she had been just like my mom, it would have been like he was trying to replace her in his life. Instead, he was starting a new chapter in his story. And so was I.The previous week, I'd been told that my son's autism diagnosis had been wrong. He was

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-76508939000249898502009-08-01T10:15:00.002-04:002009-11-01T13:09:48.493-05:00

Having Valentines Day dinner with my grandmother, my father, and his fiancee was memorable, to say the least. Conversation led to my grandfather, who died when I was quite young. Although I later learned facts about his life, that he was a war veteran, for example, the only memory I have of him is sitting on his lap, and noticing that he had freckles on the top of his very bald head. I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-50924906656887568552009-07-25T12:45:00.003-04:002009-10-25T21:45:01.265-04:00

"If you want," Michael told me on the phone that Saturday, "I can watch the kids so you can go out tonight." Call me crazy, but I didn't want to go out alone on Valentine's day, and I didn't think any of my friends would be free."I don't know," I said, "Let's just play it by ear.""I'm on my way."I called Jaimi. I needed help. I'd been keeping up on the day-to-day chores, and it wasn't like I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-64046137696719746452009-07-22T04:57:00.001-04:002009-10-22T05:24:10.322-04:00

Michael wrecked his car in March. Which roughly ended his visits with the kids in 2009. Before that, his visits with the kids had been sketchy at best. He saw them all about two weeks after he left, then took Jake to the fishing derby two weeks after that, then didn't see them again until the end of September, when he received notice that I'd be suing him for child support. What a coincidence

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-80998654264565412972009-07-16T21:32:00.000-04:002009-10-19T20:26:26.971-04:00

I had an unexpected dilemma that June day: Do I tell Michael the good news or not? I had one reason not to tell him: spite. I could dress it up and call it "justice", but it would have been spite, just the same. He had promised his future to his family, to me and the kids, and then left us all for a four-month fling. He had promised "for better and for worse", and he hadn't stuck around for

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-4308877745551782122009-07-15T17:13:00.000-04:002009-10-17T21:53:46.082-04:00

When Jacob was being scheduled for wraparound services, I spoke at length with the psychologist who evaluated him. "Having a child with autism is very challenging," she said. "It's frustrating and trying. It's like your child has been locked in a room, and you know he's in there and trying to get out. You have a ring full of keys, but just when you find the one that goes in the hole, the lock

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-65299711568893214552009-07-12T16:27:00.001-04:002009-10-15T19:33:42.506-04:00

In May, for Mother's day, Jacob brought home a cup of dirt. A note from his teacher indicated that there were seeds in the pot, and that I'd have flowers in a few weeks. I watered it faithfully, but I have a black thumb. The only house plant that I've ever kept alive for any amount of time was a cactus I had in college. I still have it, but it developed some kind of plant disease. In two

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-50209196182828208862009-07-11T21:05:00.000-04:002009-10-14T18:19:59.642-04:00

Jake is not autistic.Those four words changed my life, and although I heard them for the first time in June, 2009, the story begins much earlier.One night, a little over 2 years ago, my oldest son Jacob viciously attacked his younger sister, Jane. I was at work and my husband was with the kids. Jacob bit Jane on the back over 20 times, prompting youth services to file neglect charges against my

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-60166119190140189152009-05-27T19:53:00.004-04:002009-10-11T15:33:36.474-04:00

Baby Tony isn't such a baby anymore. He turned 18 months last week. He walks well, even attempting to run on occasion. He eats with silverware (well, sometimes he eats with his fingers while holding a fork in the other fist). He drinks from a sippy, and can scoot along on riding toys with alarming speed. He can even climb up stairs, and get himself on and off of low furniture.Yesterday I was

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-54123265060886039102009-03-18T15:34:00.001-04:002009-10-11T16:04:24.049-04:00

I donated my hair today.Last year, Sue and I had agreed that neither one would cut our hair until we both had enough to donate to Locks of Love. We were going to do it for our mother's birthday, which falls in October, the national breast cancer awareness month. But her hair wasn't long enough. I had the super-long hair that comes from nursing hormones, but told myself that I could wait.

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-16054608280902447112009-03-15T17:11:00.003-04:002009-10-11T15:31:53.005-04:00

I slept in this morning, for the most part, but woke up with one thought. Echoing in my head, like the remnants of a dream, were my grandmother's words: "Clean out your van."I didn't clean out my van.I got up, washed and dressed Tony, got him breakfast, then played with him until the other kids awoke. I got them dressed, did a little straightening up, then got dressed myself. It was a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-5804123458636064372009-03-14T15:04:00.001-04:002009-10-11T21:38:23.914-04:00

I woke up today and looked for my camera. It was right where I thought I had left it, but I could have sworn it wasn't there the night before. Gremlins? No, they break things. Borrowers? Maybe, but they don't usually go in for high-tech devices. Senility? I'm only 28! I sure hope not! Then I remembered: Brownies. Small imps that take seemingly unimportant items as a way to amuse

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-65510252589902607792009-03-13T22:42:00.000-04:002009-10-11T15:31:22.105-04:00

My glasses went missing last week.I woke up one day, went to put them on, and they weren't on my night stand next to my bed. It was a weekday, and I had to work, so I put on my back-up pair, cast-offs from high school that were too small for my head and had a decade-old prescription. It gave me a headache to wear them but I had no other plans for that afternoon so I told myself I'd find them.

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-64075704371316683822009-03-11T18:53:00.002-04:002011-04-28T19:51:02.142-04:00

I made the necessary changes to the agreement and emailed a copy back to my lawyer's secretary. I told her to review it, and if there were no changes to be made, I'd send a copy to Michael. She only had one change to make, and it had to do with a personal debt.Before we were married, Michael had dropped out of college. It was a private technical college, and his bills were ridiculously high.

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-76446783845594057842009-03-09T18:36:00.000-04:002009-10-09T18:53:26.650-04:00

The appointment was never rescheduled. I was tired of waiting for my lawyer and her secretary, who seemed perfectly content to draw this out as long as they could. Logically, they gained nothing by doing so; they had been paid in advance to finish my divorce. Until it was done, I would continue stopping in her office every chance I had. That won't work. She's almost never there anyway.I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-3470205225639858612009-03-08T15:56:00.006-04:002009-10-09T18:35:57.680-04:00

I never liked slasher flicks. Michael loved them. I did enjoy Scream, but that was about it. In one of the final scenes of Scream, the character Randy says something like, "this is where the killer jumps up for one last scream". And, of course, he does.I thought everything was over between me and Michael. In October, I signed up with one of those "credit protection" agencies. As soon as our

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-80778654156778091432008-11-21T23:33:00.001-05:002009-03-08T15:49:23.221-04:00

Well, this is it. I'm officially divorced. After weeks of nothing from my lawyer, I finally had a moment and stopped in her office. She wasn't there, but her secretary printed off a set of divorce decrees. I signed mine, and personally mailed the other ones to Michael. Another week went by with no word from anyone. I began to wonder if Michael hadn't gotten the papers. If he had, why

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-87316480710382952072008-11-13T23:26:00.000-05:002008-11-14T20:15:29.061-05:00

We went through the motions of ‘discovery’, where I handed over my documents and was handed faxed copies of his. At our previous hearing, we had both been asked how many jobs we had applied for and how many interviews we had attended. In late July, Michael had told me over the phone that he had recently been interviewed for a tech support position, and that he expected to get the job. I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-49035965849076669452008-11-11T13:00:00.001-05:002008-11-11T13:05:19.518-05:00

On Thursday, I was going to have a busy day. I was scheduled to appear at the domestic relations office for a ‘readjustment’ of the previous court order. They had requested a list of documents: pay stubs from the previous six months, day care receipts, a copy of my most recent tax return (with W2s), and a list of expenses, with receipts, that I would need help with. I had all these items in a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-41774943262635755162008-11-09T18:59:00.002-05:002008-11-09T19:09:19.874-05:00

Another few days came and went with no word from Gene. Finally, he replied. He said that if I just wanted to go on a date, ‘with no expectations’, then that would be fine. I was even more distressed by his wording in this late reply then I had been in the first one. “No expectations!” I told Jaimi when I called her that night. “He doesn’t seem to realize that if he goes in there with a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-50843158843460312872008-11-06T11:40:00.002-05:002008-11-06T11:49:31.405-05:00

Before his services even began, Tony was up to speed, saying “mama”, “baba”, and “uh-oh” appropriately. I was working hard with him, giving the same amount of attention to his language that I had been giving to his motor skills. Watching me, Jake began trying to ‘teach’ his little brother, holding out a cookie and saying “Coo-kee. Coo-kee. Coo-kee.” It was absolutely adorable. I was tempted

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-58334104274436769302008-11-04T22:55:00.001-05:002008-11-04T22:57:17.836-05:00

No post tonight, folks. I've been busy. Go check out http://www.cafepress.com/brokenwoman

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-31981751534594845672008-11-02T11:55:00.003-05:002008-11-02T12:01:41.194-05:00

Since the kids had been diagnosed with ASD, I was on the lookout for any atypical behavior from baby Tony. I know that autism is not usually diagnosed until one year of age, but the Early Intervention program has a birth to three department that Tony could enter as soon as he showed any significant delays. They placed him in their ‘tracking’ program and tested him at four months, eight months,

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-71041400223121348632008-10-30T22:34:00.002-04:002008-10-30T22:40:59.488-04:00

Sunday morning, I called Ashley’s cell phone around 10 am. She had loaned it to him for the trip, and I wanted to make sure he was still coming over. He answered on the fourth ring.“I’m sorry I called the cell phone,” I said, “but I didn’t know which hotel you were at.”“I stayed with my dad, actually.” I didn’t know what to say to this. The last time I had spoken with John, he’d told me that he

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-28066212432692292512008-10-25T19:46:00.004-04:002008-10-25T20:03:41.680-04:00

I’ve already said that I’m a weak person. Granted, I’ve had more strong moments since Michael left than in my entire life up to that point. But I’m still struggling with it, as was evidenced when Michael called, Saturday morning.“I’m about 40 minutes from your house. Want to get the kids in coats and shoes and take them to the park?”“Well, it’s not raining yet, but it’s supposed to. And even

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-42861241364252719242008-10-25T12:57:00.001-04:002008-10-25T13:04:47.630-04:00

I checked the internet for the weather that coming weekend, only to find that it was too far into the future for an accurate prediction. I made a mental note to check it tomorrow, and, of course, forgot to completely.That Monday, I got a call from the Jaimi. She had undergone a personal crisis and needed a good friend. I had to work all week, and couldn’t be there for her right that minute,

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-26864076235180152512008-10-16T22:01:00.001-04:002008-10-25T13:00:27.638-04:00

I didn’t know what I expected from Domestic Relations. Granted, this is my first divorce, and hopefully my only divorce, but I expected some help from the people who are paid, with all of our tax dollars, to help. That clerk didn’t leave me with a lot of hope, though.So, it was a pleasant surprise to find, when I arrived home from work that Friday, that Michael was being summoned. In effect, I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-3245533949407189302008-10-14T22:22:00.000-04:002008-10-15T22:29:43.385-04:00

That Tuesday, I applied for SSI on behalf of Jane. I had already done so for Jake. Basically, it’s a welfare program designed to take money out of Social Security and give it to parents for the care of needy children. Because she had been diagnosed as autistic, Jane would have qualified for these funds. I didn’t want to have to apply; I didn’t want to apply for our state’s medical program

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-54062808193862734082008-10-10T21:08:00.001-04:002008-10-11T21:19:23.705-04:00

Scott wasn’t the only Bronson at the camp. His brother-in-law, nephew, and two of his three sons were there as well. Scott works in the construction field, and had made several improvements to the cabin lately. Now the clan was sitting back, enjoying the scenery. When I pulled in, they greeted me with hugs and welcomed the sleepy kids.I showed them the back to school clothes that I found Jake

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-29700206599957223122008-10-07T22:25:00.005-04:002008-11-18T18:45:23.267-05:00

Right away, the GPS started giving me problems. From my house, it told me to turn right, then another right; it was turning me around, to get me to drive out of town. The only problem was two immediate rights took me to a dead-end street. I followed common sense and got myself on the road the computer had on its display. Once on the road, all was well. It didn’t steer me wrong again, but

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-14649743423209693312008-10-05T21:04:00.002-04:002008-10-05T21:09:39.269-04:00

Even though he and I had never spoken face-to-face, or even over the phone, I had decided that Jaimi’s friend Gene was a nice guy. On top of that, he was a smart guy, which is always a bonus for me. I always had a thing for smart guys; the biggest crush I ever had was on this physics major in college.There were some other nice guys I had met on that internet dating site, but nothing had really

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-4951172189075744512008-09-30T22:10:00.004-04:002008-09-30T22:20:20.124-04:00

The good Jaimi and I had been in touch for the last several months, even though she had moved. Before she left, I attended her going-away party. When I was actually in high school, I rarely got invited to parties. Now that I was invited to one, I couldn’t find a babysitter.Finally, I found someone who would watch my kids, but only until 9 pm. Well, 9 is better than nothing. I wore one of the

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-2945500090251748372008-09-28T20:53:00.000-04:002008-09-29T21:01:48.186-04:00

When I arrived, I found a woman at the front desk; her name plate gave her away as the assistant director. I had spoken with her before and I knew she would get the job done, but I hadn’t even introduced myself when the phone rang. “Just one moment,” she said, looking in my direction.I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but there was a stress in her voice that drew my attention; apparently two children

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-54428726647328450862008-09-25T22:32:00.000-04:002008-09-27T22:39:46.536-04:00

At 2:50 on Monday, I went to pick up Jacob from his first day of school. I parked at the sitter’s and walked to the school. I stood outside with the other moms and dads for a while, conversing with some that I knew. Soon enough, I saw Jacob’s class waiting in line outside the buses. Some of the kids were getting on the bus and others were staying in the line. Jake saw me and shouted “Mommy!”

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-25356233036910594412008-09-23T22:22:00.001-04:002008-10-09T20:42:11.625-04:00

Monday, August 27th was Jacob’s first day of kindergarten. Michael and I had never been sure about this. Jake wasn’t really emotionally ready for school, but it would be good for him to be around normally functioning children. The PC term is ‘neurotypical’. “Normal” is a curse word in the field of education; it implied that something was wrong with Jacob. And Jane, and any other children

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-53099605278258075202008-09-21T22:40:00.000-04:002008-09-23T22:55:35.045-04:00

One of the basic rules of any well-worded argument is that you occasionally have to redefine key words to get your point across. And I mean drastically redefine. Think Bill Clinton and “can you define ‘alone’ for me?”. Webster’s is no use in this type of situation.Well, Sue had told me before that this would be a ‘family vacation’ in every sense of the word, but her message hadn’t really sunk

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-74430016342750551692008-09-17T21:17:00.001-04:002008-09-17T21:23:04.096-04:00

I had wondered how our ‘caravan’ was ever going to make that trip. The answer is: we don’t. We had 3 cell phones, one in each of 3 vehicles, that we used to keep in touch. We hadn’t been driving half an hour yet when Stan called to say that they had to turn back; they had forgotten something crucial. (It was really crucial, so we drove slowly and allowed them plenty of time to catch up.)

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-11513282072916603422008-09-14T22:18:00.002-04:002008-09-14T22:24:22.499-04:00

When Jane was bitten by her brother, Michael was found guilty of negligent parenting. We both attended the parenting classes that he was required to go to. When he left, the state remained a presence in my life. Our new ‘family service plan’ stated that I would continue to get help for the children’s education, and attend support group meetings. The group that I signed up for only met once a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-49567343190921005382008-09-09T23:11:00.001-04:002008-09-09T23:19:30.961-04:00

Michael called again that weekend. “The Bronson Family Reunion is coming up,” he told me. Ugh. Ashley’s entire family all in one place. Michael and Ashley were my two least favorite people in the universe at that moment.“So?” I asked.“Well, I’d like to take the kids.”“I suppose that would be acceptable. When is it exactly?”“I’m not sure. I think the third weekend in July.”“That’s next

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-33079241919630231572008-09-07T22:15:00.003-04:002008-09-07T22:41:20.301-04:00

When I was working in the pizzaria, we would often have to deal with dissatisfied customers. I quickly learned that in such a small town, excellent customer service is one of the only ways to keep a restaurant from going under. One bad experience can turn away not only that one customer, but all of their family and closest friends. Once, I ran into a customer on the street and I asked why I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-2296528042840909492008-09-04T19:59:00.001-04:002008-09-04T20:06:23.276-04:00

When I arrived at the county courthouse, I had seven minutes. My lawyer’s office was right across the street, but in a small town like this, most of the lawyers were across the street from the courthouse. I saw a man walking out of the courthouse who looked vaguely familiar. He was dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase. He asked me how my day was going and I said, “You don’t really want

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-1221497722276400502008-09-03T22:02:00.001-04:002008-09-03T22:13:21.468-04:00

Over the last few months, I had spoken with Michael only a handful of times. I had long since stopped calling him. Actually, my grandmother told me to stop calling him. “Don’t seek him out, Celia. Don’t chase him.” It was good advice, and in Michael’s warped viewpoint, me calling him would signify my desperation and inability to live without him. I, personally, wouldn’t consider a phone

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-47775489605872921012008-09-01T19:45:00.001-04:002008-09-01T19:52:33.129-04:00

The day after I returned to work from “head lice drama: part 2”, I was summoned to the front office regarding my attendance. They were none too pleased. Apparently they had been calling in everybody with ‘too many’ absences, and they began by handing me a written summary of mine. I had missed about 3 weeks of work when Mom was in the hospital for the last time, then as we planned her funeral.

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-25181949012491396292008-08-25T21:42:00.002-04:002008-08-26T21:16:42.535-04:00

That week dragged a bit. Every time I sat down for lunch I expected a call from the day care. But it didn’t come.Different phamplets and websites listed different information about head lice; some said that adults can live seven days off of a human head; others said only 24 hours. But the kids had now been free and clear for over a week. Besides that, all of the treatments I’d used had been

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-65586577458685073752008-08-23T23:37:00.000-04:002008-08-24T00:49:25.159-04:00

The 4th of July was coming up. Sue agreed to watch the kids so I could earn some holiday pay. I was just happy to be going back to work. Monday morning, I checked the kids before taking them in. The day care called around 2 pm.“Please tell me it’s not head lice,” I said.“No,” the director said, “Tony is sick. You need to come get him.”“Sick?” I asked. “How bad?”“He has a fever of 101.5.”

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-14908904603062837572008-08-20T21:09:00.003-04:002008-08-20T21:19:58.484-04:00

Sue and I had made great plans for Jake’s fifth birthday. I wanted to take him to the PA Railroad Museum, and, barring that, (or possibly in addition to that) we were going to have a campout in her backyard, complete with Jake’s first-ever s’mores. Although I was looking forward to it, I could understand Sue’s trepidation. I had missed over a week of work trying to rid my kids of lice, and it

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-85661588061216279912008-08-18T22:35:00.005-04:002008-08-19T20:36:05.746-04:00

I needed to do something, but I didn’t know what to do. So I began calling people. I called Aunt L, and Sue. It was Sue who saved me from insanity with her suggestion. “The bathroom upstairs has no fabric in it right now, so it’s effectively ‘clean’. So do a treatment on the kids, and one on yourself, then leave them in the bathroom while you de-louse the next room over (Jake’s bedroom).

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-35595960348733042512008-08-17T19:33:00.002-04:002008-08-17T20:09:09.122-04:00

That Monday I dragged the kids out of bed at 6 am. I ran a washcloth over their bodies and dressed them, then tossed them in the van. We skipped actual baths and breakfast; I wanted to be waiting outside the doors when the workers got there.They checked the baby first. He was clean. That wasn’t terribly surprising. Unlike the other kids, he had fine, blonde hair.They checked Jake and

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-10617287972044747772008-08-07T13:57:00.003-04:002008-08-07T14:05:20.982-04:00

I am going on vacation! If you're a regular reader, you know I need one. We (my entire family, including my dad and siblings and their kids and spouses) will leave tomorrow morning at 6 am. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to update all week due to packing, cleaning, shopping, making arrangements, and packing some more. I intend to continue to write while I'm gone, so when I return there

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-53118468029728776662008-08-05T03:55:00.001-04:002008-08-05T04:00:26.107-04:00

Wednesday night, Sue still watched the kids for me so I could go out. I sat and talked with my dad and his girlfriend while they played pool, and saw a few friends in the bar too. I had a beer for the first time in months. I had fun, and was so very, very grateful to Sue for allowing me the chance to have adult conversation.Thursday morning I showed up for a head inspection. After a quick

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-21714153500897571322008-08-02T17:09:00.005-04:002008-08-05T03:32:30.100-04:00

Jane had head lice? What the heck? She wasn’t even in school! She was 2 years old, for crying out loud! Where did she get head lice?“Did you check the other kids?” I asked.“We’re checking them all, but she’s the first one we found them on.”“What about Jacob? And Tony?”“The nursery is clean. None of the babies are infested.” Infested. And I had a meeting to get to in… about 50 minutes.“Can I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-36918355741663886792008-08-01T00:04:00.002-04:002011-02-19T19:23:25.973-05:00

Life was good in early June. Jacob was adjusting to day care. Jane was talking, playing, eating well, and all in all, acting like a normal 2-year old. Tony was growing and smiling and starting to coo and babble at me. I had a steady job that I actually enjoyed. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that when things are going good is when something horrible and unexpected happens.It was the third

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-5403163173456124172008-07-29T23:15:00.002-04:002008-12-21T19:54:46.255-05:00

The next day, I got a call from Mike. “I hear you’ve been telling people that I don’t care about the kids,” he accused.“Actually,” I said, rather irritated at his tone, “What I told one person is that you haven’t seen any of the kids since you took Jake to the fishing derby, and that was the last time you spoke to them.” Did I lie?“Well, I’m calling now.” No shit.“Obviously. Were you calling

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-73992559428149364512008-07-28T22:17:00.001-04:002008-07-28T22:33:55.684-04:00

Another week went by. Then another. I woke up; I cleaned house; I went to work. I did nothing on the weekend. It was now early June. I was starting to feel very alone, and ended up calling friends almost every moment I was home. If I was loading the dishwasher, I dialed. If I got no answer, I dialed again. My wedding anniversary was coming up. It would be six years. We were still

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-91073530156364859352008-07-24T21:38:00.002-04:002008-08-07T22:20:03.672-04:00

The next Saturday was fishing derby day. Jake was still half asleep when my dad arrived to pick him up. He had brought a new pole, a new lure, and some bait. I helped Jake into his booster seat in my dad’s truck and watched him drive off. I had the morning to play with Jane and Tony but they were both still asleep. I didn’t have any cleaning to do; I’d been doing a great job of keeping up on

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-74574789502923965252008-07-20T22:31:00.001-04:002008-07-20T23:47:10.306-04:00

The door opened and we were invited in. Actually, Michael and I were invited in; Ashley stayed in the waiting room.It was only to a conference room in the back of the building, but it felt like a walk down death row. Well, it was a fitting analogy: our marriage was going to be terminated. We sat down at the table and were reminded that this meeting was only about child support, not anything

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-21800978882017994632008-07-16T22:45:00.003-04:002008-07-16T22:54:39.437-04:00

Our first child support meeting was a new kind of experience for me. On top of worrying about how I would feel sitting down at the “bargaining table” with my husband, for he was still my husband, I had to have someone to watch the kids, and figure out what to wear. The weather had just broken into full-fledged summer, and I had promised Jaimi that I would wear the outfits she’d bought me. But

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-18615840958667165832008-07-15T22:32:00.004-04:002008-07-15T22:59:32.484-04:00

My mother’s brother is a social idiot. I am, too, but I’m not this bad. When I was working in that pizzeria, he asked me to get him a job there. I told my boss that he wanted a job in the kitchen. I also told her that if he was ever hired, I wanted to work whatever shift he didn’t. When he later told me why he wanted to work there, I was very, very grateful that he hadn’t gotten the job. He

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-14557047166466312122008-07-11T21:13:00.003-04:002008-07-11T22:34:00.746-04:00

For the rest of the week, Michael didn’t call. He didn’t leave any messages, and though I saw his name on my instant messenger, he didn’t make any attempt to contact me. Not even to ask how the kids were doing. It hurt.It also hurt that Jake was asking where Daddy was, then answering himself with “Daddy’s at college.” I would correct him, because I didn’t want him thinking that Daddy would be

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-91423187658863565102008-07-09T22:56:00.003-04:002008-07-09T23:08:43.149-04:00

Michael ended up spending another night and driving back on Sunday. Before he left town, though, he was at least courteous enough to tell me that he was planning on coming up again in two weeks. There was going to be a father-son fishing derby on that Saturday, and, provided he hadn’t found a job by then, would like to take Jake fishing. Last year, the only reason he went was because Mike’s

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-89672226804965961792008-07-08T21:20:00.001-04:002008-07-08T21:30:35.161-04:00

Mike and I had only one set of “couple friends”, a married couple our own age with two kids close to our kids’ ages. They had lived nearby, but moved away when a local communications business had gone under, leaving about 500 internet and telephone tech support employees out of jobs. Mike was one of them. That was when I began work at the nursing home. I needed a job with benefits, and in a

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-19732712597896627832008-07-07T21:43:00.002-04:002008-07-07T22:04:23.491-04:00

The next morning, I still wasn’t feeling too well, but I didn’t want Mike to have any “ammunition” to use in a child support hearing. I could just picture him twisting reality to make it seem like I was trying to keep the kids from visiting their loving father out of spite or some such nonsense. But we had all slept in, so by the time the kids were up and dressed it was 9:00. Mike’s

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-67447143178104367622008-07-03T22:34:00.002-04:002008-07-03T22:51:23.945-04:00

Of course, I wasn’t pregnant, but apparently my brain was not content with the chaos that was my life, and my subconscious had to add to it with irrational fear. But that’s why they call it “irrational fear”, isn’t it?Aside from my profound lack of a sex life in the last few months, which I could now see was because Michael had already had his by the time I got home each night, I had already had

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-69191185342261856192008-07-02T22:44:00.004-04:002008-07-02T23:40:51.056-04:00

It was really late. Once again, I knew I needed to sleep but was unable to. Did I make the right decision? In the morning, I called my lawyer's office. “I don’t really think he’d try to snatch up the kids,” I told her secretary. “But I also didn’t think he’d sleep with the babysitter, either. I just don’t know how far I can trust him right now.” “Your lawyer isn’t here today,” the secretary

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-53284791950285811052008-07-01T23:32:00.003-04:002008-07-01T23:45:36.048-04:00

Jaimi and I walked in the door from our shopping excursion, three full bags between the two of us. Her sister looked over our purchases with approval. I invited her to stay and visit for a little while. “Actually, I have to go,” she said, “but your dad stopped by and Mike called.”“What! When?”“A while ago. He left a message on your machine. I didn’t pick up the phone.” I pushed the

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-77905498265169541672008-06-30T23:00:00.003-04:002008-07-15T23:02:39.994-04:00

I contacted various government agencies to try to get some financial help. I knew that I was going to miss a week or more of work while I found a new babysitter. I also knew, from past experience, that it was going to be very hard to find someone willing and able to watch the kids until midnight on weekends. By that coming Friday, though, I had found a babysitter. A college student, home on

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-42669484853417685212008-06-27T22:33:00.003-04:002008-06-27T22:42:07.369-04:00

The next 24 hours flew by. Jamie and Max packed up the rest of her stuff and got out. At least that’s what they said over the phone. At one point, Michael stopped by while she was packing and I was at my dad’s house. My grandmother drove by and saw him there and thought to call me. I called the house. He said that I had missed a few things: some library books from the University Library,

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-59095222798141011432008-06-26T22:24:00.002-04:002008-06-26T22:30:36.139-04:00

Mike was going home with his mother. Sue had to leave, but I didn’t want to be there with Jamie packing. So I ended up going to my dad’s house after all. I had a whole list of things to do Monday. My dad had come to my rescue already; on Saturday, he had brought me some papers to sign, closing Mike’s and my joint bank account and transferring the savings to one in just my name. But I still

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-62677210834825958062008-06-25T22:23:00.003-04:002008-08-02T19:26:06.157-04:00

The next morning, Sue let me sleep in. I groggily rose my head at one point, but when I realized she was shushing Jane I let it fall to the pillow again. I came downstairs, some indeterminate time later, having depressingly noted that it was now Sunday. Sue would have to leave soon and go to work the next day. She lived four hours away, so I couldn’t let her stay much longer, even though I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-55418005331717671522008-06-24T21:19:00.003-04:002008-07-29T22:42:10.900-04:00

Michael may be the Prince of Lies, but it’s only because his mother is the Queen. When he was two years old, his parents split. I found out, as we were planning our wedding, exactly why that was. His mother had an affair. She was sleeping with her husband’s boss while he was at work. (Eerie, isn’t it?) According to Michael’s father, Mike Sr., she just left one day. Mike Sr. said that his

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-64399982858082812582008-06-23T16:14:00.001-04:002008-06-23T16:26:31.449-04:00

I soon got the rest of the details from Jamie. When I had told her that Mike was alive, and that his debit card had been used in a nearby town, she and her friend Max (the same one who had picked her up Thursday night) had driven there to look for him. Like me, they had tried a few bars before going to a hotel. He was in the first one they checked. He was obviously intoxicated, and had an

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-48163611820838184012008-06-20T22:11:00.004-04:002008-06-20T22:37:05.790-04:00

I often told my husband that I felt like royalty growing up. My parents knew everybody in our town. They’d both lived here for the last thirty-some years. My mom was literally a genius, and my dad was everything you’d want in a father. And just like a fairy-tale king and queen, my parents had gone to prom together. I felt like all I had to do was smile and wave and say, “Yes. They’re my

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-57564559228604588712008-06-19T22:21:00.002-04:002008-06-21T18:28:53.626-04:00

At 9:30 am I called the bank’s automated system again. I didn’t expect there to have been any activity, but there was. He took out another $50 that morning. I was stunned. I called the bank’s 1-800 number and asked to speak to a representative. Since my name was on the account, they gave me the information I needed. He had taken the first $60 out of our local bank’s ATM. He had made the

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-86240265034971057352008-06-18T18:39:00.002-04:002008-06-19T22:36:56.142-04:00

I woke up before 6 am. The baby was crying to be fed. I went upstairs and nursed him, then cleared off the bed. I tried to sleep. I couldn’t. So I called my dad. I knew he would be awake, and he was. The first words out of my mouth were, “Michael still isn’t home.” “Call the police,” he told me. So I did. They said that they’d send an officer over to take a missing person statement. On

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-15653944402950092682008-06-17T22:02:00.008-04:002008-06-21T18:11:25.239-04:00

I swallowed my fears and asked, “When?” “I don’t know,” he answered. “An hour, two hours tops.” “Take my watch,” I told him, removing it from my wrist. “Yours is missing.” Glancing at the clock, I added, “It’s 12:45 now. Will I see you by 3:00, then?” “Yeah,” he responded. He was already on his way out. “I love you!” I called after him. The screen door slammed. Then he was gone. Mike

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-23768720407384534322008-06-16T14:51:00.004-04:002008-06-21T17:01:35.992-04:00

The next morning, my first thought was that it was all a bad dream. Of course, it wasn’t, but I inherited my mother’s eternal optimism. Mike was downstairs, eating breakfast with Jacob and Jane, by the time I finished nursing and came down. I looked at him and smiled. He half-smiled back at me. I asked if he had called Father Joe yet, but he hadn’t. I called our Catholic Priest. Michael

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-34994255722010311842008-06-14T16:48:00.001-04:002008-06-21T16:57:54.912-04:00

“What?” I asked. I didn’t know if I was really and truly losing my mind, or if he had just said what I thought he had said. “Mind if I sit down?” he asked. I gestured to the space on the couch next to me. He sat down, facing me. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said. “I want to be with you. I love you. I love the kids. But you probably hate me too much to ever forgive me.” I felt

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-86253020657661736812008-06-13T20:59:00.001-04:002008-06-21T16:53:26.800-04:00

I am, by nature, a weak person. The night that I met Michael, I had been invited to a party. But I knew that there would be drinking, and I was only nineteen. So instead of turning down my friends to their faces (or even over the phone), I asked my boss to schedule me to work so that I would have an excuse to say no. When I say that this is the strongest thing that I have ever done, I am not

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-9861108801101121892008-06-12T17:57:00.001-04:002008-06-21T16:45:43.197-04:00

For the second time that day, I began moving without realizing what I was doing. It was like I was outside my body, but it wasn’t an “out of body experience”. It was just that all this was happening to someone else. It wasn’t really happening to me. I vaguely remember explaining to the charge nurse that I had a family emergency. When she said she needed more detail, I told her that my

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-11966946870980903112008-06-11T17:55:00.001-04:002008-06-21T16:36:29.581-04:00

I think I first began to suspect the affair in March. On one of my nights off we were all eating dinner around the table. Michael had just gotten a vasectomy. We figured 3 kids in 5 years was more than enough. He said, looking at Jamie, that he had told one of his friends at college about his surgery. His friend had said, "Ouch. So you can't get it up anymore?" He replied, "No. It means

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-43637625552442865292008-06-10T16:46:00.001-04:002008-06-21T16:32:10.323-04:00

I think I read once that it's important for human beings to keep anniversaries. We celebrate and remember the days that loved ones are born, or die, or whatever. I think women do this more than men, but I don't have the statistical data to back that up. So for me, I will always remember June 10, 2000, June 29, 2002, July 5, 2007, and April 25, 2008 as, respectively, the two best and two worst

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5349628252519108791.post-42107960135067439192008-06-02T18:11:00.021-04:002009-10-11T16:16:57.323-04:00

Book 1:Not a tragedy, but only in retrospect. One of these days I'll tell you about the second worst day of my life. The strongest thing I have ever done A bit about my father It's all relative Another confession Folding Laundry again The First Day of the Rest of My Life. Another run-in with The Law The second worst day of my life Speaking Truth Queen B. Starting to get angry And I

Celia Shayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05972137767172831582noreply@blogger.com0